Just wanted to say hello to everybody. While I am not really "new" to BBSing, I

feel as though there are lots of you out there that don't know a lot about me.

I basically "came out" in 1984. Someone recently told me that if it weren't for

BBS's, he wouldn't be out of the closet. I have to agree. I started BBSing in

1983, and about that time there was only one or two gay BBS's in the Atlanta

area, the Cherokee Trading Post it was called. It was much like JBBS, another

early up-and-comer, in that it had a gay back-side. Cherokee's gay backside was

called the Cub-Match-80. There was a Match-80 in Atlanta back then, I think

there still is. It, however isn't really gay oriented whereas the Cub-Match

was.

I say "was" because it is, of course, no longer around; the late Bobby Amell

was the sysop of that board back then. I won't get into any details on his

death.

I'm not trying to impress, depress or otherwise BORE anyone, I'm just trying to

talk a little bit about the beginnings of gay systems around Atlanta.

Oh sure, there were plenty of other types of "specialty" boards around Atlanta

then too, but I suppose then as well as now, there has always been the problem

of letting "everyone" know where the gay systems are without paying an arm and

a leg for CompuServe, GEnie, or whatever other pay services there are out

there. I have seen two young gay males attempt to openly communicate with

themselves on more than one occasion on otherwise "straight, socializing"

boards without going through proper channels, apparently stopping at nothing to

branch communication. Oh yes as I recall, they didn't use handles - they used

real names because that particular board wasn't "handle" oriented, and in fact

in my early days of BBSing there were few boards that accepted "handles" as

modes of signing on. On most boards, passwords were either optional or not

necessary, a while back.

I logged onto Bobby Amell's board back then as "gay," even though at that time

Iwasn't really out, I was challenging it. I did this several times, and I

finally decided to stop playing "mind games" with myself and to get on with

what I knew had really been me all along. Women had never done anything for me

anyway, but I guess if I had to "label" myself, it had come down to that.


I live in Marietta, Georgia. I don't necessarily LIKE it here, but being that I

haven't ever really been financially stable enough to leave, I am still living

at home. Because I live in Marietta and so forth, I had never been exposed to a

lot of male to male activity. I had been exposed to some, but it had been few

and far between. Everyone these days seems to be concerned about 95% with how

you LOOK and the other 5% seems to be with how well you perform in bed or doing

other things. I say that's bullshit. Looks are not everything; since I have

come out I feel that mentally I have come full circle; I want a permanent

relationship where I see a lot of people satisfied with one-nighters. I guess I

was lucky in that I came out just prior to the time that AIDS really hit the

fan; thank God it didn't drive me back in.

As I was saying, looks aren't everything. I know that I am the type of person

that likes to cuddle up and get cozy, and sexually I'll do just about anything.

Still, I'd rather get to know you first. You know how some of these

questionnaires are, they get in-depth, but they don't cover ALL bases. Still, I

care about people. I suppose at times I can care too much. I'm not on an ego

trip; I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I don't drink except on occasion and

even then it's nothing but a beer. I guess I am really the kind of person that

likes to get inside people's heads and find out their likes and dislikes;

dislikes are probably more important because it tells me right away what to

steer clear of. And believe me, I do.. I am not the kind of person who likes to

toy with emotions! I've had my emotions toyed with enough!

I had I would guess a typical childhood; but when you consider the amount of

socializing I used to do was about zero, it wasn't so typical. In elementary

school my grades were never really that spectacular; and in middle school they

REALLY tumbled. What was it? I had this little kid bottled up inside me and I

couldn't let it out; I felt confined, trapped. I guess in the back of my mind I

wanted the pretty boys, but I couldn't lead myself to do anything. I couldn't

get high off someone else's body because I thought they couldn't get high off

me.

I know now that was why my school went downhill for me. I was interested in the

other boys - too AFRAID to look and too afraid to say anything. When I was

eight we were watching this kid from next door, a foster kid whose parents were

going out of town for some reason, and the first night he slept with me in my

bed. I love how parents will let like-sexes sleep in the same bed with you, and

unlike-sexes in other beds.. it's wonderful. He ended up that night putting his

dick up my ass, nothing really happened and I don't think he knew how to fuck.

He just put it up there and pulled it out a few times.. and I loved it. I

didn't resist, at all. I'm glad now that I didn't.

Everyone wants to know "when was your first sexual encounter?".. well, I guess

that's about the first REAL one I can remember, but I would swear that I was

about five or six when I had a neighbor show me his - I think he was about

fifteen. I was reluctant to suck it; we were standing in this box in the front

yard. Why is it some things are etched in stone that are out of the ordinary

and day-to-day life tends to be forgotten? Hmm...


I consider myself to be a passive person generally, I suppose I could be

dominant if I wanted. But I could definitely be a top or a bottom. I claim

responsibility for the SMRDAY files - it started off innocently enough and it

seemed to blossom for me. Not everyone gets into water sports; honestly I'm not

sure that I would so much if I were with someone else. I'd like to think I can

conform, and I'm sure I can. I want to be there for somebody. Sixteen is

probably a bit young fr most people too, but in fact I began to realize.. I am

27 and it wasn't so long ago that I was 16. I know that I wouldn't want a

relationship with someone that young though! Which leads me to something else.

At 14 and 15, my grades were no good in school at all. I couldn't channel

myself; all I could do was aggravate people. You've heard of "negative

attention"? Irritating and grinding on someone's nerves - be it repeating

something over and over.. or whatever.. until the person wanted to punch you

out. You know, it's funny - now that I think about it, it was GUYS that I would

do it to. Probably guys that I wanted to give me attention in other areas, but

the way I was going about it, it was impossible. The teachers said that I was

"just warming a seat."

In 1976, my parents put me in a private school. I was there, in Kennesaw, five

days a week. I was also seeing a shrink then that I had been seeing since 1974,

around the time the grades really dropped to an all-time low. The school was

called Devereux. There are several Devereux's scattered about the country;

there's one in Texas, one in Pennsylvania, one in Maine, etc.. I guess in a way

they're sort of like Brawner's. Anyway, it was interesting there, I still

failed pretty generally, but I was closer - much closer - to being "in" to

doing things with other boys. It seemed there were other kids there with sex

hangups and things. I saw just about everyone in my dorm at one time or another

stark naked; at times they flaunted it, and at times they raved about it. Yet

they all claimed to be straight. At the time I kinda thought I was going

through hell, but soon I realized that I was in "dude paradise".

It was $1050 a month at the time to live there five days a week. From what I

understand, it was $1500 a month for full-timers. No doubt with the

construction they've had there in the last twelve-thirteen years, it's probably

well over $2000 a month. The director's name was [and is] Comerford; most of

the guys called him Comerfuck, but.. not to his face.

There were guys there from all over the country. There was one supposedly

"admitted" homosexual that was there that I never really had a chance to have

contact with; ideally I think it would have been interesting if I had come out

at that stage in my life, and told all those bastard psychs on campus because

then they might have been able to get a grip on me; there is nothing wrong with

me, I just need some incentive in life, but of course back then I wouldn't have

even admitted being gay to MYSELF let ALONE any psych. It was interesting, that

the guy that was "thought" to be gay was soon sent to the Devereux in Texas..

what did IT have that this one didn't?

For the past several years I have been trying to get the incident cleared out

of my head as much as possible - oh, the nightmares I used to have about that

place after the fact. I haven't had any lately, and I don't know that I will

have any more. I can't stand repeat dreams like that.

I never really saw anybody else there actually "jack off".. but I did get my

hands on some cock there a couple of times. Still, while one incident may have

been reported, I was never "caught in the act." I find that interesting.

For one year I was there like that, and I was also in the Boy Scouts which gave

me a reason to leave on Tuesday nights. There was even one guy in the Scouts

that knew I was gay and had shown me some skin before, but I never did have the

sense to follow through with anything. Perhaps that was actually better. The

second year in Devereux I just went during the day, for school, and then the

year after that Cobb County started a Special Education thing going which was

similar to that kind of thing. It was in Smyrna.


All this time never really thinking about girls. It was like I've known, but

for some reason I was scared of the word, "gay". Not anymore. My parents still

don't know - my mother may have her suspicions and so forth because I told her

in 1984, but I quickly had to deny it because I knew she showed signs of not

taking it in a sane fashion. "Whatever is more comfortable for her," I thought.


Now my ears long for someone to call me a little queer, a little faggot -

because I am just as happy hearing that as anything.


Just something I thought I'd share with you all. And too, my real name is

Mitch, but I am trying to get it changed to Jason. It will probably take a

while to get this legally done, but I do like Jason a lot better. Which is one

reason I use it on the boards.


Happy BBSing...

Jason